Vows | Funny

Exchanging your wedding vows is the most important part of your whole ceremony, and as such should be taken very seriously... after all, you are making a promise before witnesses that you will love your new husband or wife forever. However, that doesn't mean you can't add a bit of gentle humour.... you just need to think carefully about how you do it! I really like it when a couple chooses to add a few funny moments when exchanging vows, as it not only acknowledges the fun and laughter within their relationship... but it also breaks up the seriousness of the occasion for the guests.

One of the nicest ways to do this is to create what I call a Vow Sandwich.

A Vow Sandwich is where you add a few snippets of humour between the serious lines. So for example.... You would start off serious.... "I promise to love you from this day forward, through the good times and through the hard times. I promise to celebrate your successes and mourn your losses as if they were my own." . .. Then you could add a funny line.... "I promise to hold your hair up when you're being sick after a heavy night out, or I promise to say "Yes" at least once a month when you ask me to come shoe shopping, or I promise that when you say you've put fuel in the car I won't immediately ask Are you sure it was unleaded?" and then finish off in a serious but romantic fashion.... "But most of all... I want you to know that from the moment I met you, I knew that I wanted to share my life with you, and in agreeing to become my wife, you have made me the happiest man alive and I promise that for today and always.... ... I will love you with my whole heart.

An important point to remember when adding humour...  it's a good idea to try and include things that the guests already know about you (or can relate to) as this will make it funnier. And if you are using any of the Vows below don't forget to personalise them with things that mean something to you both.

Below is a collection of Funny & Lighthearted Vows collected from different platforms. Some of them were used in books & films, some in real life and some are Aye Do creations!


 

 

Funny 1.
A great way of making your vows funny is to write them for each other! So the bride would write what she wants the groom to say and the groom would write what he wants the bride to say. And because you don't get to see them until the day itself, it can be very funny.
You can see an example of it here:


Funny 2.
I wanna make you smile whenever you’re sad, carry you around when your arthritis is bad, all I wanna do is grow old with you. I’ll get your medicine when your tummy aches, build you a fire if the furnace breaks, oh it could be so nice, growing old with you. I’ll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold. Need you, feed you, even let you hold the remote control. So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink, put you to bed when you’ve had too much to drink, oh I could be the man (woman) who grows old with you, I wanna grow old with you. (from The Wedding Singer)


Funny 3.
Celebrant: Do you take this man to be your husband?

Bride: I do.

Celebrant: Do you take this woman to be your wife?

Bride: He does.


Funny 4.
Claire, from this day forward I promise to be worth it. Worth the time. Worth the trip. Worth the energy. Worth the embarrassment. Worth your love. I promise that you will always count. You will always come first, and of course, if you don’t for whatever reason, I will buy you some shoes. From the moment you entered my world, you have filled it with life, colour and energy like never before … like a strawberry slushy in a mud puddle … or a cupcake in a salad …  You are my cupcake Claire, and I promise to devote my life to you.


Funny 5.
Bride 1: I promise to love, cherish, and care for you in sickness and in health. Unless the reason for your illness is the fact, you have just seen our latest credit card bill and realised just how much you spent last month.

Bride 2: I promise to love, cherish, and care for you in sickness and in health. Unless it is 3am and the reason for your illness is alcohol-induced, and the care involves sitting with you beside the toilet bowl with a wet cloth.


Funny 6.
I _____do accept and wholeheartedly accept you as my wife. I shall promise to love you and support you in whatever you do, provided you handle the finances prudently and don’t go spending our earnings in a non-judicious way so as to cause our future family to go bankrupt. I promise to do my best to provide for your needs and wants, but I shall not bear the brunt of the mortgage alone, not if you want your name on the title.”


Funny 7.
Groom: I can't promise you the world, but I will promise you this.... I will buy you KFC and never stop looking at your bum.

Bride: I can't promise you the world, but I will promise you this.... I will laugh at your jokes and always wiggle when I walk in front.


Funny 8.
Groom: I, John, choose you, Karen, to be my wife. In front of our friends and family gathered here I promise to love and cherish you throughout the good times and bad times. I promise to try to remember to put down the toilet seat and to replace the toilet roll when it finishes. I promise to remember this day with love and roses. I will love you always.

Bride: I, Karen, choose you, John, to by my husband. In front of our friends and family, I promise to love and cherish you through every obstacle that may come into our path. I promise to learn how to change a tyre and how to refill the screen wash when it runs out. I will comfort you when your team loses and drink beer with you when they win. I will love you always.


 

 

Funny 9.

Celebrant to Bride: Do you promise to love, honour, cook for, clean up after, surrender your share of the blanket to, live with the flatulence of, relinquish the remote to and with the toilet seat up until death do you part?

Bride: Yes (or) Aye do

Celebrant to Groom: Mark... you have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, and you have the right to have an attorney present. Knowing and understanding your rights as I have explained them to you, are you willing to continue?

Groom: Yes (or) Aye Do

With the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You may now kiss the Bride! 🙂


 

 


Funny 10.

Celebrant: Firstly I have to ask the most important question... are either of you here against your will? Have either of you been coerced, threatened or drugged in any way?

Bride & Groom: No!

Celebrant: (looking at Bride) No?? Wow!


 

 

Funny 11.
Celebrant:
Dan... do you promise to kill spiders and everything else that Monica deems creepy or gross? If you ever find yourself sinking in a paddle boat, do you attest that it is your turn to swim? Do you promise to let Monica rein you in at the music store, because you probably have enough guitars, for now? Do you promise to try not to steal the covers at night or beat Monica up because you’re having that ninja dream again? Do you vow to embrace Monica’s love of the ocean and enjoy it with her as often as is feasible?

Monica: Do you promise to attend car shows with Dan and at least pretend to show interest in horsepower, engines, and custom modifications, even if you have no idea what he’s talking about? Do you promise to go fishing, provided Dan takes care of anything slimy, scaly, pokey, or just plain mean-spirited? Do you promise to let Dan rein you in at the shoe store, because you probably have enough shoes, for now? Do you promise to scoop the kitty litter and try not to bring home any more strays? Do you promise not to complain about how loud Dan plays his guitar, unless or until the neighbours complain?

Do you both promise to be supportive of each other as individuals, never trying to change the other; to support and encourage, and give all that you’ve got to give to make each other’s dreams come true?

With this ring, I promise to love you unconditionally… and make each tomorrow the best it can be.


Funny 12.

I promise to always leave the lights on in the bathroom
I promise to mysteriously take three hours to make a simple omelette
I promise to create a life for us of unexpected and strange adventures
I promise that I will love you

I pledge to listen to your advice, and occasionally take it
I pledge to never take score… even if I'm totally winning
I pledge to always admire your huge, strong, kind and determined heart
I pledge that I will love you

I vow to listen, for as long as it takes for you to feel heard
I vow to watch in awe as you kick ass and take names
I vow to be your unrelenting cheer squad on the days it feels too much
I vow that I will love you

I believe that 'me time' is an actual concept, that can be proven by science
I believe that carefully folded socks make you happy
I believe there is no time or place I'm more content than when you're close
Because of this and so, so much more… I believe that I will always love you