26 Mar How to Write Your Wedding Vows
How to write your Wedding Vows
Choosing your wedding vows is a big deal. The moment when you speak the words that will transition you from singlehood to marriage, is the moment around which your entire day revolves. It demands time, contemplation, dedication, and careful deliberation. However that doesn’t mean to say they have to be pious or boring! In fact, you are encouraged to be creative with your Vows and make them a wonderful part of your ceremony rather than just a footnote.
Let’s start with what Vows are:
In a nutshell, your Vows are the intention you hold, and the promises you are making to each other for your life together.
Is there only one way to say your Vows?
No! There are many different ways in which you can say your Vows, depending on how comfortable you are with speaking in front of your guests. Here are a few ideas:
PERSONAL VOWS: This is where you write your own vows to each other. Think of them as like a love letter for your future.
Example:
“Lauren, I stand here today in front of the girl of my dreams and the person who I spend the rest of my life. Physically, I will hold you close cherishing the touch of our souls. Emotionally, I promise to be vulnerable open and sharing the depths of my feelings with complete honesty. I promise to be your best friend and partner in crime. I promise to be goofy and make you laugh every single day. With all that I am and all that I have, I pledge to be your player two in this extraordinary adventure.”
REPEAT-AFTER-ME VOWS: This is where I will say a few words and you will repeat them after me (the R is where you would repeat)
Example:
John, please repeat after me (R) Emily, as I take you to be my wife in marriage (R) these are the promises I make to you (R) I promise to be honest and respectful (R) and to always have your back (R)I promise to give this my all (R) and do my best to let down my guard (R) to truly let you in (R) I promise to be fun and funny (R) and to make you laugh and to bring joy (R) I promise to always be respectful honest, and open minded (R) But most of all (R) from this day to the end of our days (R) I promise to love you (R) with all that I have (R) and all that I am.
AYE DO VOWS: This is where I will read a passage and at the end you will say, “Aye Do”. This is perfect if you are extremely nervous about speaking during your ceremony.
Example:
John, as you take Emily to be your wife in marriage, so you promise to always love, honour and respect her? Do you promise to always have fun and be silly with her? Do you promise to create a safe space so that she can be vulnerable? Do you promise to be honest, kind and to listen without taking offence? Do you promise to take the bins out when it’s raining, and to finally decorate the bathroom? But most of all, do you promise to step hand in hand into this mighty adventure and to never forget how lucky you are to have found each other in this life?
Ping Pong Vows: This would be where you would read your vows back and forward between you. This is really beautiful and again, it’s different.
Example: (opposite sex ceremony)
Groom: As we walk hand in hand into this new adventure, I promise to always
cherish you, to support you, and to stand by your side.
Bride: I promise to love you fiercely, to encourage you, and to be your unwavering guide.
Groom: I promise to always be there for you, through thick and thin.
Bride: I promise to stand by your side, no matter what life brings.
Groom: With you, I feel complete, whole, and utterly loved.
Bride: With you, I’ve found my partner, my confidant, my best friend.
Groom: I promise to infuse our days with laughter, and to cherish each moment we share.
Bride: I promise to be your partner in mischief, and make you laugh every day.
Secret Vows: Many of my couples tell me they don’t feel comfortable pouring out their deepest feelings for each-other in front of all their guests. Well, you don’t have to, because why not exchange your ‘Heartfelt’ vows in private? You can do this before the ceremony or after. I think it’s nice if a couple takes 5 minutes alone after the ceremony to stop, breath and celebrate what’s just happened, and this can be a good time to exchange your secret vows. These can be done verbally, or you can write them down in the form of a letter. You don’t need to tell anyone you’re doing this, or I can mention it during the ceremony. “Emily & John will exchange their private promises after the ceremony, but they will now exchange their vows of marriage.” You can even make a wee ritual of it, and so you would each bring a sealed envelope with your`private vows in it. During the ceremony you would swap envelopes to be read later.
Themed Vows: Whether you’re a Harry Potter fan, a Star Wars fanatic or a Swiftie, if your wedding day has a theme, why not write your vows to match?!
Example:
“I stand before you today, not as a Jedi or a Sith, but as your partner in this grand adventure called life. I vow to cherish and honour you, to support and uplift you in all that you do. Just as the Force binds the galaxy together, so too shall my love bind us in unity and strength. I vow to be your co-pilot through the galaxies of life. We will navigate the stars, facing both triumphs and trials with courage and resilience. With every beat of my heart, I pledge to walk beside you, to share in your joys and shoulder your burdens. Through the light and the dark, I will stand by your side, my love for you unwavering and eternal.”
Have Fun with Your Vows!
Yes, it’s absolutely okay to have fun with your vows, In fact, it can bring a whole new angle to your ceremony! Here are some fun ways to do it….
Write each-others Vows!
That’s right, just give each other guide lines about word count and tone and then set to writing each-others surprise Vows! This usually bring a great deal of fun into the ceremony. (If you are having a legal marriage, I will add a passage after you both speak so that everyone knows you are taking vows of marriage.)
Fill the Blank Vows
Before the ceremony starts, leave sheets of paper/ card on guest seats asking them to fill in the blanks. You will then each pick one at random and these become your Vows! You could also have your own Personal Vows and then have these just for fun! (you can get these on Etsy)
Write a Poem!
If you fancy yourself to be the next Rabbie Burns, why not write a poem instead of the usual vows? It’s unique, it can be funny and your guests will love it!
Q&A
- How long should our Vows be?
It’s really up to you, but my advice would be to make them long enough to be meaningful but not War & Peace! If you are writing your own Personal Vows, start by just jotting down the promises you are making and why you have chosen to spend your life with this person. Just keep writing but then go back and start to distill it, so that you are saying what you want to say, without using verbiage (unnecessary words). If you are keeping your Vows a surprise from your partner, just give each other some guidelines about length and tone. This means you won’t have one of you being incredibly funny, and the other being super romantic. - Can we have a mixture of Repeat-after-Me and Aye Do vows?
Yes, you absolutely can! There’s no right or wrong way to say your vows. The most important thing is that they are authentic and heartfelt. - Do we need to use any specific wording or phrases?
No, here in Scotland we don’t have ‘Statutory & Declaratory’ words. However, we do need to make it clear that it is a ceremony of marriage, but if the vows you have written don’t make it clear they are vows of marriage, I will add on a wee bit after you have spoken. - When should we start writing our Vows?
Sooner rather than later! The most important thing is not to leave them until the last minute. If you do this you’re taking a chance on them being superficial. Instead, in the months leading up to your ceremony, start jotting down your thoughts and feelings about your vows. What are you promising to your partner for your future together? What makes them special? Why are you choosing to spend the rest of your life with this person? What are your hopes and dreams for your future together? Once you’ve done this, then go back to it again and again and start to shape them. Practice saying them out loud to see if they sound genuine. - Who goes first in saying their Vows?
In traditional wedding ceremonies the Groom went first, but in 2024 it’s completely up to you! You can even have fun with it and play a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who will go first or ask your guests to vote!
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